whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
