he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
