it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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