last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam