What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.