I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
