Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house