I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
