He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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