y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
