She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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