Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Never joke about your clitoris.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
