Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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