My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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