Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
