I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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