I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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