You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
