I think i sorta joined a cult last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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