And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
