drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
