we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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