i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
