To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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