You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
