Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
