Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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