Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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