i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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