I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
