Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I won the penis lottery.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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