There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
