he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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