You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
