Do you still have your period?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
