return my video game
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize