Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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