I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
