I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just found a bag of teeth...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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