What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I met the friendliest cop last night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
