just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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