4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
