i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
