the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
