Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
