i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
