So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
