If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
