I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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