I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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