Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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