My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
