i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
