I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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