while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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