He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
