I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
