wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
