I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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