3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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