Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
