Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize