So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
