I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
