Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
