I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
