I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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