I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize