Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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