He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
