Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
