Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize