i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
