i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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