somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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