Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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