i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
