After last night, I could never be a politician.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
